Pickle Barrel
Dear Dr. Mickey,
I’m not shy, but when my kids ask me questions about sex, I blush. What’s the best way to tackle these uncomfortable topics? I want them to grow up with a healthy sense of sexuality.
THERE ARE EPIC moments in everyone’s life that are etched permanently in their memory bank. For me, one occurred when I was 11 years old. My older brother called me into his bedroom and sat me on his bed and began telling me the facts of life. I did not have a clue what he had said and was too embarrassed to say so. For me the main fact was that I had already missed two innings of the baseball game on the radio.
The next day I told my friend Steven what my brother had said. Steven said he wanted to show me something. We went to his bedroom and he pulled a book from under his mattress. It was the first “girly” book that I had ever seen. Right before my eyes in vivid colour there were hundreds of pictures of young ladies in skimpy bathing suits. My eyes nearly popped with amazement. With Steven’s help, I was able to understand what my older brother had said. From that moment, I looked at the opposite sex in a different way.
Let’s start with some known facts. Normal secondary sexual characteristics may manifest themselves at an earlier age than you think. For girls, it can begin as early as seven years of age and for boys, usually a year later. For girls, it begins with the development of breast buds and within a year or two pubic and axillary hair. Menstruation usually starts a year or two later. For boys, there is first enlargement of the testicles and penis followed by pubic, axillary, and then facial hair. Also their voice lowers at this time.
For parents who are too embarrassed to talk about sex with their children, the school has taken on the task of sex education. By Grade 7, their formal school education regarding sex is complete. This includes how babies are conceived through to their birth. They are taught about sexually transmitted diseases and prevention as well as all methods of birth control.
If your child asks you a question about sex, remember to always speak to their level of understanding. It is always best to find out what they already know and then fill in the gaps.
When should proper terminology be used for body parts? I believe it should start in early toddlerhood, so no changes are required: a penis is a penis and vagina is a vagina.
Boys will get erections as early as two years of age. If they ask why, simply state that their penis is very sensitive and if it rubs against something it will sometimes become hard for a short period of time. Reassure them that this is normal and happens to all boys.
Masturbation for young children as early as two years of age is common and normal. It does not have any sexual connotation for them. It just gives them pleasure. If it becomes excessive and occurs in socially unacceptable locations then you have to tell them that what they are doing should be done in the privacy of their own home.
Children should not share a bathtub with a parent or sibling of the opposite sex after four years of age. Similarly, dressing or undressing in front of your child should be discontinued at around three years of age unless you’re ready to answer some embarrassing questions.
Playing doctor with someone of the same or opposite sex is also normal. It has no sexual connotation. It’s a time of learning. By six years of age this type of behavior should be discouraged.
You should teach your child to respect his or her body. They should be taught to respect others as well. If one of their friends says that they do not want to be touched, a no is a no. Similarly if someone wishes to touch their body it should be made quite clear — a no is a no.
None of your children’s questions should go unanswered. If you do not know the answer, find out and get back to them.
We are living in a fast world — and our children will be exposed to sexual content. It is your job to sort out the good from the bad, the truths from the untruths.
The above is meant as a guide —
you must do what is comfortable for
you and your family. 
Post City Magazines’ kids health writer, Dr. Mickey Lester, has been a Toronto pediatrician for more than 30 years and is the former Chief of Pediatrics at Trillium Health Centre. You can hear him on CFRB, Sunday mornings, from 9 to 10 a.m..
The Fine Print: The contents of www.postcitymagazines.com are copyright 2008, all rights reserved, and may not be reproduced in part or in whole without written permission of the Publisher.
