Pickle Barrel
IT IS TOO bad that, when a baby is born, he or she does not come with an instruction manual. But there’s no need to panic. You will always have your “advisory staff” to guide you, rightly or wrongly. And whether you really like it or not.
The very first record of a caregiver’s advisory staff dates back to the time of the pharaohs. When Moses was saved by the pharaoh’s daughter, an advisory staff was appointed to help guide her in his upbringing. The first guide was a handbook written on parchment.
Now, just who is your advisory staff? How did they become your advisory staff? Did you appoint them? Was there an election held that you were never invited to?
The answer to all of these questions is, in all likelihood, “no.” Your advisory staff is comprised of a group of individuals who have taken it upon themselves to “guide” you in looking after the baby’s welfare — a very concerned group who are suspicious that your parenting skills may not be up to par. They are there to fill in the socalled “gaps” that they feel are present in your child-rearing knowledge (and they believe that there are quite a few).
Their numbers vary depending on their direct access to you. Unfortunately, in these modern times, access is easy to come by. With computers everywhere, it seems the whole world — and all of your advisory committee — has access to you.
Who actually are they? Well, they may include your mother, your mother-in-law, your sisters, your aunts, your friends (with or without children), just to mention a few.
You are always under the microscope. Your every move in the baby’s care will be closely monitored and scrutinized. If deemed to be “wrong,” you will surely be advised and encouraged to correct your ways.
How does this constant barrage of advice affect you? Is it welcomed? Usually not. Is it confusing? Usually, yes. Does it cause doubt in your parenting skills? Usually, yes.
Unfortunately, many of your advisory staff do not see it this way. They feel strongly that they are “helping” you to problem solve — even when no problem is present.
They strongly feel that you should be thankful for them being there just in the nick of time to save you from making a disastrous mistake. In essence, they really do not have confidence in your ability to problem solve and parent. After all, in their day, parenting was a “skill” that “young folk” nowadays just don’t have.
More often than not, your advisors just supply the “fuel” needed to escalate a concern you have — even though it may be minimal. A little cold soon becomes pneumonia. A small amount of gas becomes a milk allergy. Lack of weight gain (in the advisor’s eyes only) is due to insufficient breast milk. And so the saga continues.
I could fill a whole book with a host of other examples. Unfortunately, their advice often comes when you are most stressed.
So what can you do? Well, you do have options. You can either listen to them or ignore them. After all, the people you are dealing with are not just passersby. They actually love and care for you as well as the baby. You have to remember that they will be in your life for a very long time.
My advice to you? Listen with your ears “half open.” That is, let what you want to listen to penetrate and that that you do not want to listen to be filtered out.
Just remember one thing: it is
always much easier to give advice
and to bring up someone else’s
children. 
Post City Magazines’ kids health writer, Dr. Mickey Lester, has been a Toronto pediatrician for more than 30 years and is the former Chief of Pediatrics at Trillium Health Centre. You can hear him on CFRB, Sunday mornings, from 9 to 10 a.m..
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