Pickle Barrel
IT’S NO EASY feat to get a serious
quote out of Toronto-born
funnyman Harland Williams. Just
try asking the North York native
what his favourite thing is about
growing up in the area.
“I loved North York, man,” he says during our chat at Toronto’s Diesel Playhouse in between stand-up routines, “I spent many of my days spearfishing in the Don River with a dandelion remover.” But he never ate what he caught. “No. No. nobody eats Don River fish. You might as well have a nuclear cheeseburger.”
A tad quirky? That’s Williams for you. The forty-five-year-old’s stream-of-consciousness rants have become his trademark, and his stand-up routine is choke full of stories about everyday occurrences, which inevitably get turned on their head.
He jumps from Mickey Mouse to whales to America’s Next Top Model all within 20 minutes. Even if you can’t quite wrap your head around what the heck he’s talking about, it’s a sure bet you’ll be kept in stitches. A DVD of his latest act, titled Child Wild, is slated for release this fall.
But you can get your fill of Williams this month when he hits the big screen in My Life in Ruins alongside Richard Dreyfuss (Jaws), fellow Canadian Nia Vardalos (My Big Fat Greek Wedding) and Saturday Night Live Veteran Rachel Dratch.
A romantic comedy set among the ruins of ancient Greece, the film was the first movie ever allowed to shoot in the historic Greek Parthenon. The film, which debuts in Canada Sept. 10, centres on a travel guide (Vardalos) who rediscovers her mojo as she leads tourists around Greece.
Williams describes his character as “an over-the-top American tourist who never shuts up.” A role he has surely injected with some mojo of his own. What was it like working with the legendary Dreyfuss? “Oh my god, it was just fantastic!”
Although these days he’s based in L.A., Williams’s roots can be found in North York. The comedian-actor grew up on a little crescent, just north of the 401.
As irreverent as Williams is, his pedigree couldn’t be more serious.
Williams’s father, John Reeser Williams, was a member of provincial parliament who briefly served as Ontario’s solicitor general.
While Williams certainly has the charisma to be a politician, it seems as though comedy was a natural calling. Again, I ask him what he loves most about North York. “Probably the blueberry picking,” he responds with a straight face. It’s difficult to tell this time whether or not he’s joking.
Williams isn’t the only entertainer in the family. His cousin is Kevin Hearn, the keyboard player for Canadian rock band the Barenaked Ladies. Hearn grew up in North York as well, not far from Williams and his five siblings.
Actually, “four sisters and one werewolf” he jibes, “but we don’t talk about him.”
He has appeared in the band’s video Falling for the First Time, and these days the pair have their very own tongue-in-cheek CD, fittingly entitled The Cousins, the Love Song Years.
“He does all the instruments, and I do all the singing,” Williams says. “It’s our little rock ’n’ roll project.”
Williams’s brother, Steve “Spaz” Williams, chose the bright lights of Hollywood as well. A director, his most recent project was Disney’s The Wild.
“I’m a little bitter toward him because he got a really welldefined chin and I got no chin,” says Williams of Spaz’s physical attributes. “That was a bit of a drag.”
Har, as he is fondly referred to, loves discussing his high school days.
“I was more of the class sniper,” he says when asked if he was the class clown. “I would wait for the class clown to jump out and as soon as he did I would try to trump him. Hit him back with a joke that was better than his.” The strategy boded well for him.
While working toward a degree from Sheridan College in animation, Williams had a brief foray working as a forest ranger in Fort Francis Ont., giving him the chance to “plant a few trees” and “get charged by a moose,” he recalls. “I did it during the spring and the summer to make ends meet and loved it up there.”
After school, the next seven years were spent honing his stand-up act in Canada before planting himself squarely in L.A.
“Once I felt ready and I was confident, I said it’s time to make the move and I did.” Success followed.
Williams made his big screen debut alongside fellow Canadian Jim Carrey in Dumb and Dumber in the early ’90s. He has since had a lucrative acting career, appearing in films like The Whole Nine Yards, There’s Something About Mary (seven-minute abs!) and the stoner comedy Half Baked, filmed here in Toronto.
He just may be the hardest working Canadian in Hollywood. The man wears so many hats it’s difficult to keep count. In addition to playing the role of actor, comedian and musician, he’s a regular radio personality and a favourite of late-night host Conan O’Brien. He recently played the role of judge on ABC’s reality show Wanna Bet?
The show features celebrities making wagers on various stunts, tricks and challenges performed by average Americans — the perfect venue for Williams to show off his comedic prowess.
Adding one more notch to the post, he is also the mastermind behind a series of children’s books (written and illustrated by Williams) about a dinosaur called Lickety Split. “I just sat down one day, and I thought, ‘I love dinosaurs and I want to write a little story.’ It’s a cute catchy name, and I remembered seeing a movie called Jericho Mile with Peter Straub way back in the ’70s,” says Williams of where he got his inspiration.
“It was a jail movie and the inmates gave him the name Lickety Split because he was a runner. When I started writing my kids’ story, it jumped out.”
How does he feel about his jackof- all-trades status? “I love it all. I’m like a master medium maniac.… I love to jump in and at least try it. I don’t know if I’m good at it, but I like to taste the buffet.”
Certainly the funniest character to have come out of North York in recent history, Williams’s star is continuing to rise. One can’t help but inquire about his personal life. After all, at 45, Williams makes no secret of his affection for kids. What about a family in the future?
“I love kids” he says, flashing a mischievous smile, “I’m looking for a breeder.” He looks my way again and leans in, “Helllllloooo, magical interview that turned into a family … Helllllloooo.…”
He does admit to being single at the moment. “I gotta find a good person,” he says, “I would love it if it was a Canadian girl, but if you find someone with a good, kind heart, it doesn’t matter who they are. So hopefully it’ll come my way one of these days.… We’ll see.”
Next up, Williams is getting to
work on storyboarding a $140
million CGI animated feature for
Dreamworks called Roadside
Attraction, which he wrote the
script for and will co-direct.
Coincidentally, it’s about a giant
golf ball who falls in love with a
giant blueberry. Maybe he wasn’t
kidding about the blueberry
picking after all. 
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